Dear Kayla,
I needed to learn how to learn. I personally could not restore my capacity to learn -- I never had much to begin with. In school, I could memorize information but not apply it. I could not concentrate enough to think through abstract concepts. I did well through high school, but had a great deal of trouble in college where simply memorizing information was not enough.
I am still working on that one now myself. But I know enough to give you some advice.
There are multiple pieces which I will need multiple letters to describe. One easy piece was some of the educational video and audio materials. I can personally recommend the Great Courses series. They are available but expensive at http://www.thegreatcourses.com/greatcourses.aspx; many of the courses are also available in libraries. The Great Courses series has university professors lecturing on a large variety of topics. Admittedly, there are other competing companies doing the same thing which might be worth looking into. But the Great Courses is the only one I can personally recommend.
There are no tests. All you need to do is watch television or listen to your ipod and absorb what you can. When you are just starting out, that is a good thing. Your brain can take in as much or as little as it can handle without pressure. Eventually, it will become more used to learning and processing more and more.
I would suggest you start with a topic you already know something about, i.e. a topic you studied in school or had a personal interest in in the past. You can recover some of your knowledge and skills from before and add to it. If you start with a totally new topic, it would probably be an overwhelming amount of information. Later on I found these courses a great way to learn about new subjects. But in the beginning I would have found it overwhelming.
As I mentioned, there were many strategies I used to improve my learning over time. But this was good for me when I was still starting out because it required no testing or follow-up. Later on these courses helped me expand my education as well as my learning skills.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
12/13/11
Dear Kayla,
I was moving forward myself, then had a setback. Why did this happen?
I was pushing and doing great. I was growing more and more excited. I was steadily building skills. Then things started to fall apart.
I wasn't pushing too much. I wasn't moving beyond what I was capable of doing. What happened was that my external life changed. I became too busy preparing for the holidays and some other events. I wanted to keep building skills, so I kept working on them at the same rate. But the combination of the two became overwhelming.
Setbacks can be external or internal. They do not even need to be problems -- even good things can be stressful. It is easy to grow excited about building skills and push to continue. But you always need to keep an eye on external stress and see if you need to make accomodations. If I had made accomodations earlier, I could have gone back to work much more easily.
I was moving forward myself, then had a setback. Why did this happen?
I was pushing and doing great. I was growing more and more excited. I was steadily building skills. Then things started to fall apart.
I wasn't pushing too much. I wasn't moving beyond what I was capable of doing. What happened was that my external life changed. I became too busy preparing for the holidays and some other events. I wanted to keep building skills, so I kept working on them at the same rate. But the combination of the two became overwhelming.
Setbacks can be external or internal. They do not even need to be problems -- even good things can be stressful. It is easy to grow excited about building skills and push to continue. But you always need to keep an eye on external stress and see if you need to make accomodations. If I had made accomodations earlier, I could have gone back to work much more easily.
Monday, December 5, 2011
12/5/11
Dear Kayla,
One piece which I found invaluable to my growth and development is Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is a club designed to practice public speaking skills. The club is designed to make people better and more confident speakers. People can start with very basic activities such as telling a joke or introducing a new vocabulary word. When you are ready, you will give a 4-6 minute speech where you basically tell the club about yourself. After that, you do more speeches working on different points such as organizing your speech, body language, vocal variety, and using visual aids. You can go at your own pace and give speeches whenever you are ready. There is also the opportunity to practice speaking without preparation; an extremely important skill which many people are lacking.
There is another part of Toastmasters which is less known. Toastmasters also provides a manual to work on your leadership skills. Like the speeches, you can work on most of the skills one at a time while fulfilling club roles. You start out with very basic roles and gradually add more and more complex tasks. Some people don't like to work on their leadership skills, but I have found that to be extremely useful -- probably more important than the speeches. There were many essential pieces of leadership which I had never had the chance to practice before. I was able to accept feedback of my work, but at first I found giving good feedback to other people's work to be very difficult. When I started practicing that I became better. I also slowly learned to facilitate sections and keep people interested, to run meetings, to run special events, and to mentor other people. All those are skills I would never have had the opportunity to do otherwise.
I am writing about what worked for me. Toastmasters was incredibly helpful to me and to many other people.
One piece which I found invaluable to my growth and development is Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is a club designed to practice public speaking skills. The club is designed to make people better and more confident speakers. People can start with very basic activities such as telling a joke or introducing a new vocabulary word. When you are ready, you will give a 4-6 minute speech where you basically tell the club about yourself. After that, you do more speeches working on different points such as organizing your speech, body language, vocal variety, and using visual aids. You can go at your own pace and give speeches whenever you are ready. There is also the opportunity to practice speaking without preparation; an extremely important skill which many people are lacking.
There is another part of Toastmasters which is less known. Toastmasters also provides a manual to work on your leadership skills. Like the speeches, you can work on most of the skills one at a time while fulfilling club roles. You start out with very basic roles and gradually add more and more complex tasks. Some people don't like to work on their leadership skills, but I have found that to be extremely useful -- probably more important than the speeches. There were many essential pieces of leadership which I had never had the chance to practice before. I was able to accept feedback of my work, but at first I found giving good feedback to other people's work to be very difficult. When I started practicing that I became better. I also slowly learned to facilitate sections and keep people interested, to run meetings, to run special events, and to mentor other people. All those are skills I would never have had the opportunity to do otherwise.
I am writing about what worked for me. Toastmasters was incredibly helpful to me and to many other people.
Friday, November 25, 2011
11/26/11
Dear Kayla,
For me, I needed to go through a very long process to learn how to learn. I was never very good at processing information I learned at school or otherwise. I could memorize the information but not apply it. There were many interventions I needed to address this. I will be writing about some of them here.
Often, the first step to making changes or learning is to examine your attitude. I was bringing some bad habits into my work without even being aware of it. I needed to look very closely at the details of what I was doing and try to find patterns or beliefs which were harmful. Often they were routines which I had never questioned. But they were holding me back from learning or doing tasks well.
Once I identified thought patterns or attitudes which I needed to change, I address that head-on. The first day or first session I would concentrate only on changing my thoughts and attitudes. And only that. I would not try to do anything differently. I would just focus on going through the day or the session thinking differently.
Sometimes I needed to do that for more sessions. It depended on the task. When I was used to thinking differently, eventually I would start to see different ideas and patterns. At which point I would give the same advice I keep giving to you and Tony: Start small. Find what small things you can and fix them. In reality, there are very few big things out there. What looks big from a distance is often really about five thousand small steps.
For me, I needed to go through a very long process to learn how to learn. I was never very good at processing information I learned at school or otherwise. I could memorize the information but not apply it. There were many interventions I needed to address this. I will be writing about some of them here.
Often, the first step to making changes or learning is to examine your attitude. I was bringing some bad habits into my work without even being aware of it. I needed to look very closely at the details of what I was doing and try to find patterns or beliefs which were harmful. Often they were routines which I had never questioned. But they were holding me back from learning or doing tasks well.
Once I identified thought patterns or attitudes which I needed to change, I address that head-on. The first day or first session I would concentrate only on changing my thoughts and attitudes. And only that. I would not try to do anything differently. I would just focus on going through the day or the session thinking differently.
Sometimes I needed to do that for more sessions. It depended on the task. When I was used to thinking differently, eventually I would start to see different ideas and patterns. At which point I would give the same advice I keep giving to you and Tony: Start small. Find what small things you can and fix them. In reality, there are very few big things out there. What looks big from a distance is often really about five thousand small steps.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
11/13/11
Dear Kayla,
One critical piece you are probably thinking about is becoming more involved in your community. That is a great step, a critically important one for many people. That also means you need to be very careful.
I would recommend starting very slowly. For most people, I would suggest starting with volunteer work. Think about what you do well and what you enjoy doing in your day-to-day life. Could you bring those skills into a role which could help other people? Don't worry about a job right now. Just think about what you can and can not do. Working or volunteering is demanding and straining enough by itself. It is likely to be overwhelming if you are not familiar or comfortable with the job.
Also try to imagine where you have failed or succeeded in the past. Are any of those conditions still in place today? If so, you will need to honor them. When people are starting out, they often don't have much flexibility. Do you need to limit work to a few hours a day or a few days a week? Are you able to regularly work in the early morning or afternoon or evening? Again, those issues could be problematic at first.
Do the best you can. I know the current economy has limited most peoples' choices. But you need to decide which of these issues is most important and push for that. That is an individual decision which no one else can make for you. You cannot completely subvert your own needs to your employer's for very long.
One critical piece you are probably thinking about is becoming more involved in your community. That is a great step, a critically important one for many people. That also means you need to be very careful.
I would recommend starting very slowly. For most people, I would suggest starting with volunteer work. Think about what you do well and what you enjoy doing in your day-to-day life. Could you bring those skills into a role which could help other people? Don't worry about a job right now. Just think about what you can and can not do. Working or volunteering is demanding and straining enough by itself. It is likely to be overwhelming if you are not familiar or comfortable with the job.
Also try to imagine where you have failed or succeeded in the past. Are any of those conditions still in place today? If so, you will need to honor them. When people are starting out, they often don't have much flexibility. Do you need to limit work to a few hours a day or a few days a week? Are you able to regularly work in the early morning or afternoon or evening? Again, those issues could be problematic at first.
Do the best you can. I know the current economy has limited most peoples' choices. But you need to decide which of these issues is most important and push for that. That is an individual decision which no one else can make for you. You cannot completely subvert your own needs to your employer's for very long.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
11/1/11
Dear Kayla,
I want to write a little bit about taking responsibility.
Most people say it is essential. I agree. Taking responsibility for your life and your treatment is critical. You cannot improve in the long-term relying totally on others. While most people are well-meaning and may be able to help you, no one totally and perfectly understands you and your life. No one can completely understand another person; we are far too complicated for that. Add to that that these well-meaning people may die, retire, or have a crisis of their own, and you will see the need to learn to rely on yourself.
Taking responsibility is a very strong, powerful concept. Like most powerful concepts it has some dangerous applications. Some people use it too broadly as an answer to everything. The assumption seems to be if a person accepts responsibility s/he will immediately achieve enlightenment.
Second, and more troublesome, defining your responsibility can be difficult at first. One trait I had growing up — which I later read was common in disturbed children — is that I held myself responsible for everything that went wrong, including the weather.
For me, the first real step to taking responsibility is therefore to define what I was and was not reasonably responsible for. As I just said, that was not easy. I finally learned to start with what I already knew. I made two columns in my mind: One for things I was clearly responsible for and the other for things I was clearly not responsible for. At first I could only categorize the clear-cut black and white; the rest I ignored. As I grew more used to those two categories, I started to interpret more shades of gray.
I have found that general technique to be useful much of the time. In order to make sense of something, I generally categorize the two clear-cut extremes. Once I have done that, I am gradually able to understand more complicated and nuanced issues.
Good luck.
I want to write a little bit about taking responsibility.
Most people say it is essential. I agree. Taking responsibility for your life and your treatment is critical. You cannot improve in the long-term relying totally on others. While most people are well-meaning and may be able to help you, no one totally and perfectly understands you and your life. No one can completely understand another person; we are far too complicated for that. Add to that that these well-meaning people may die, retire, or have a crisis of their own, and you will see the need to learn to rely on yourself.
Taking responsibility is a very strong, powerful concept. Like most powerful concepts it has some dangerous applications. Some people use it too broadly as an answer to everything. The assumption seems to be if a person accepts responsibility s/he will immediately achieve enlightenment.
Second, and more troublesome, defining your responsibility can be difficult at first. One trait I had growing up — which I later read was common in disturbed children — is that I held myself responsible for everything that went wrong, including the weather.
For me, the first real step to taking responsibility is therefore to define what I was and was not reasonably responsible for. As I just said, that was not easy. I finally learned to start with what I already knew. I made two columns in my mind: One for things I was clearly responsible for and the other for things I was clearly not responsible for. At first I could only categorize the clear-cut black and white; the rest I ignored. As I grew more used to those two categories, I started to interpret more shades of gray.
I have found that general technique to be useful much of the time. In order to make sense of something, I generally categorize the two clear-cut extremes. Once I have done that, I am gradually able to understand more complicated and nuanced issues.
Good luck.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
10/29/11
Dear Kayla,
Congratulations. You have improved and stayed stable for a while. As you know, that is a pretty important achievement.
After becoming stable, your focus changes. It is sometimes difficult to understand and work with the changes.
Many people who have become stable simply stay in place. For me, that would not work. For me, and this is just me, focusing on keeping stable is like treading water. It can work for a while, but eventually I need to start moving or I will drown.
But changing your focus can be difficult. When you are very sick, you are best off simply focusing on one small step at a time. Once you become a little better, you have more options. But sorting out those options can be tricky.
Congratulations. You have improved and stayed stable for a while. As you know, that is a pretty important achievement.
After becoming stable, your focus changes. It is sometimes difficult to understand and work with the changes.
Many people who have become stable simply stay in place. For me, that would not work. For me, and this is just me, focusing on keeping stable is like treading water. It can work for a while, but eventually I need to start moving or I will drown.
But changing your focus can be difficult. When you are very sick, you are best off simply focusing on one small step at a time. Once you become a little better, you have more options. But sorting out those options can be tricky.
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